Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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