i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
