You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
