Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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