How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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