john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
