the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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