my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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