they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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