ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
