The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize