Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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