I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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