Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
