I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
