ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
