So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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