I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
