i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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