he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
