fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
