I wish I only lived at night.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You took a bar mat shot.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
