I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
