I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
