I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize