I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
