She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
