i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
