I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
