i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
