i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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