a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
