Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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