Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
