You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
