Just fell off a train. Bad.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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