im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
