Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
