I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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