I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
