That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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