Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
as a side note pls kill me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
