You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
