It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
