very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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