we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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