hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize