I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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