it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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