thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
