This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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