I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
