Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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