Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
