The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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