some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
