My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You made out with two different species that night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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