I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
