I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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