There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
