Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
