My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
