Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
