Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
