I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We need to get me chipped asap
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
