I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm passing your future prison.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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