Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
