Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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