Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
