youre lurking in front of me
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
