some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
