How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
