She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
